Moment of Zen

I turned the corner after ordering and found her like this.

I'm Being Ignored - And I Like It

Truth

"You're going to be dead longer than you are alive." Audrey, 5

Was My Kid Body-Snatched?!?!

7:08AM on Sunday

I'm on the living room couch working on my computer.

Garrett wakes up and comes out rubbing his eyes. He stumbles over to me and I think he's going to beg to get to play on the iPad or watch tv (we have a no-screens before 9AM rule).

Instead, he says, "I just realized that I haven't done my math pages (for homework this week) so I'm going to go and do them really quick."

Lissy goes to Dr Aaron

Pack Your Bags

Audrey, "Mama, I invited some friends to Italy with us!"
Me, "Oh yeah, who?"
Audrey, "Ceci, Harper, Ruby, Annabelle, Griffin, Tristan, Nolan, Marie, and Jude."
Me, "Anyone else?"
Audrey, "No, that's about it."

5th trip around the sun!

5th trip around the sun!

Radio Silence

On the way to school today I talked to Garrett for a full three minutes before I realized he was so engrossed in his book that he had no idea I was talking. 🌈💫

Engrossed

Cutie Marks

Car Play

OUSD Oratorical Winners

Garrett's class won 1st place in the OUSD district wide Oratorical competition, Pre-K through 2nd Grade division. The class performed and won at both the school-wide level and the district semi-final level before winning today. Garrett is the third kid from the right.

They performed an original poem called, "If You Want to Know Me"

Ninja Sleeper

Quotes From Motherhood

"Garrett. Stop farting into the ukulele."

Amber Alert

Where is Lissy?!?

Great Idea

Audrey: Can we make our backyard bigger?
Me: No, it's the size that it is.
Audrey: Oh.
Me: Why do you want it to be bigger.
Audrey: Like, so we could have a hot tub?

Introductions

Audrey: I knew daddy before you.
Me: no, I've known daddy for 15 years and you are only 4.5
Audrey: no. When I was born I met him first.
Me: oh. Well you did live in my body so I would say you knew me first.
Audrey: It was fun in your uterus. I danced around in there.

The Third Way

Me: (pointing to money clip after Audrey scraped it across the table). "Is this soft or hard?"

Audrey: "Yummy"

Audrey Answers

What is something I say to you?
Get dressed

What makes me happy?
Hugs

What makes me sad?
That I'm not listening to you

How tall am I?
68feet

What's my favorite thing to do?
Play with me

What is my favorite food?
Ice cream

What is my favorite thing to drink?
Wine

If I could go anywhere, where would I go?
Home

Do you think you could live without me?
No

How do I annoy you?
Making loud noises

What is my favorite TV show?
Watching me!

What is my favorite music to listen to?
I don't know

What is my job ?
To keep me safe

How old am I?
60

What's my favorite color?
Pink

How much do you love me?
To Pluto and back!

Chapeau Aussi

Houston, We Have No Problem.

Audrey likes shoe shopping.

Musings

My Memoir Title:
My Life as a Mother or You Can't Properly Brush Your Teeth While Playing the Ukulele

for the blog

after having a fit at pump it up after i told her she couldn't have a vending machine drink

me: "Are you having sad feelings honey?"

she kicks me

audrey: "I hate you"

me: apparently a look of shock that quickly turned to "I KNOW YOU DIDN"T"

parent laughter...  "that was a perfect moment"

Oh Boy.

While discussing name choices for Audrey's new unicorn Garrett suggested "Horny."

Wolf Scout

Hair Wax

Alli:

He doesn't know what this is and who put it in his hair.

Matt:

Huh?  Sand from the playground?

Did he get into something he wasn't supposed to?

Alli:

Well, he said he didn't know what it was or how it got there. He could see that I was getting pissed that someone would do that to him. The more questions I asked, the more his story started to fall apart. Then I just asked him if there was a chance that he did it to himself because he thought it would be funny.

I got a mumbled meek, "yes," from the backseat.

Then I asked if it was a greater than 50% chance or less than 50% chance.

"Greater."

At least I know what it is, who did it, and as a bonus; we got some math in!

It's wax from one of those cheese discs.

Matt:

Oh man

So he did this to himself?

Alli:

Yes

Matt:

I'm not convinced I feel better about that than some other peckerhead doing it

Alli:

He feels like an idiot

Matt:

I'm not sure if our kids are that bright babe

Father of the Year

In laws

I'm gonna kiss Tristan when I grow up and we're married

G: you're gonna marry Tristan?

A: YES. We've already talked about this TRISTAN!  Oops I called you Tristan.

Such a Dear

Audrey quietly walks into the dining room she just ran screaming from, "I don't care about you," she says calmly and turns around and walks away.